Of Helping Hands and Horrible Habits
by otahotian
Summary: "He looks tired."/"He looks like death warmed over."/"He looks like shit."/"I am sure he would be glad to hear that."/"He wouldn't hear me if I started dancing dub-step on his head, Ru."; Whereas Ibiki's lucky trio is trying to be helpful and no one can really blame them for having some fun along the way.


**Name: Of Helping Hands and Horrible Habits**

**Characters: Umino Iruka; Kamizuki Izumo; Hagane Kotetsu; Hatake Kakashi; Morino Ibiki**

**Purpose: Simply because I was bored. Needed something to do. And had this half-done saved in my laptop for a huge lot of time already.**

**Place: Village Hidden in (Insanity) Leaves**

**Mood: Helpful; Caring; Insane**

**Warnings: May contain factual and grammatical mistakes for which I apologise. Has no plot at all. Just mindless running around, it seems that is my habit, right?**

**Notes: Enjoy :)**

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**brats**

"He looks tired." Iruka whispers silently, laying flush on the cold ground. It's still winter; he has his scarf tugged tightly to himself and not even that is helping.

"He looks like death warmed over." Izumo whispers just as silently from his right, pressed against him as close as possible. They feel warmer that way.

"He looks like shit." Kotetsu snorts on the other side of Izumo, not bothering to stay very quiet, either. Why should he, anyway? The jounin they are watching come trough the gates of Konoha right now doesn't look very attentive. Most of all, he looks like sleepwalking.

"I am sure he would be glad to hear that." Iruka leans over their small friend to knock some sense into Kotetsu – not that he hopes it would work. He tried too many times to still be that naïve. Like their sensei – he still tries.

"He wouldn't hear me if I started dancing dub-step on his head, Ru." Kotetsu rolls his eyes fondly back at him. He is starting to feel _very_ cold, even though he has almost climbed under Izumo's coat. It wasn't fair that Izumo – the only one from their team who _liked_ winter – got to stay between the two others, really.

"C'mon guys, let's do something about him." Iruka grins, nodding his head towards the tired jounin – he looks quite lost as he tries to tighten his basic jounin gear around himself, shirt and trousers soaked with blood, to get at least a bit warmer. The only _winter_ cloth he has is a scarf, that he tugged around his head and ears not to get sick. All in all, Iruka notes, he looks quite funny with his white hair sticking all around messed up and unruly.

"What." Kotetsu gives him a doubtful look, one of his eyebrows raised. "You want to kidnap him and force him to bed?" he chuckles softly.

Izumo slowly closes his eyes – Kotetsu shouldn't have said that. Iruka would think it's brilliant idea.

"Well we all know he would just go to sulk around the memorial, or take another mission. That guy's bloody suicidal." Iruka shrugs, scratching the part of his scar that is poking from beneath his scarf.

"So?" Izumo asks carefully. Not that he doesn't care – well, he _doesn't_, they don't even _know_ the jounin, only saw him few times when helping (bothering) their sensei in the Mission room – but now Iruka and Kotestu would go and kidnap him, and either _Hatake_ himself would kill them all, or sensei would later on.

"So, dear friends of mine, we are going to kidnap him." Kotetsu announces, his grin wide and evil enough to scare every passerby. Good riddance they are hidden on a rooftop, from where they know they can watch the gates without getting caught. It's fun to know when and in what shape are the chuunin and jounin coming back home.

"Yup!" Iruka agrees, thumping his fist into Kotetsu's over Izumo's back. "Let's go, guys." he grins widely as well, standing up. He tugs Izumo up by his arm, just because he can – if he tried that with Kotetsu, they would probably both fall – and brushes the remaining snow from his chest and stomach.

**sensei**

Ibiki knows they are up to something. How does he know that? That's easy, his team is _always_ up to something. The brats alive, are the brats plotting.

He would have to watch his back – too bad the brats probably aren't plotting to prank _him_, no. They don't do that, unless they are _very_ unhappy with something he has done. They probably chose some poor unsuspecting shinobi and Ibiki won't know anything about it, until the poor unsuspecting shinobi comes to complain to him.

Thanks kami he still can scare most of the population with one look.

Ibiki sighs and signs the last report for that day. He briefly debates going out to find his brats to at least _try_ and make them behave, but one look outside makes him want to just crawl in bed and sleep. Not that he doesn't like winter, he does – and it's funny to watch Kotetsu and Iruka moan about cold, while Izumo is completely cheerful – but the sky is gray and monolithic, and the only place where there is still some snow are the tips of trees and some rooftops. All in all, it's very dull outside.

Well that, and he still has something to talk about to the Hokage.

**victim **

_Seven days_. The jounin sighs, peeling off his bloodied and half-frozen clothes and throwing those over the back of his sofa. His wakizashi is already there, because when one went seven days without sleep and in this cold as well, then _screw safety_.

Not that he is going to sleep, no. Shower, tea, something to eat – in case any of the food is still eatable – and than another mission. Why? Easy, because there is _no one _to stop him.

Sensei is dead, Kushina-san is dead, Obito is dead and now Rin as well.

He steps into the shower, just barely not shivering from the cold. And even the water turned on cold is warm and boiling on his skin, so he might have gotten a frostbite.

One after another his limbs finally start to get feeling back, so that's good, right? Nothing permanent – nothing his chakra couldn't heal.

And well, his chakra _is_ quite low, that means a soldier pill. He knows he can take only two more today, if he doesn't want to get sick or/and addicted.

Finally he feels a bit more like a human – as much as that is possible when your work is about killing people for money and respect – so he steps out of the shower, for now just tugging a long t-shirt over himself.

Is it when he is on his way to the kitchen for the well-deserved tea, that he hears a soft voices. _Voices_, because if one, it could have been just Pakkun, who refuses to get back home even when Kakashi doesn't need him. But no, those are other voices, but hushed low enough for him to be unable to recognize them.

And his blade is still with his bloody gear on the sofa and he is probably too chakra low that he wouldn't be able to defend himself.

But why should he, is the next thought, when his only purpose is to kill and die for the village? Maybe he has finally killed enough to rest.

_And_ what enemy ninja would infiltrate the village just to break into his flat? There are guards all around Konoha, it's probably the safest place where to be right now.

So he turns around to face the direction from where he heard the voices and with faces it's not that difficult to recognize those two as a Konoha gennin.

He is sure he has seen them before. At least the one with the scar over his nose and dark hair cascading down his back – he has met him few times at the memorial. Just in passing, but the genin visits almost as often as _him_.

The other is shorter than the first one – he is even shorter than _Kakashi_ who has always been small for his age – the top of his head barely reaching the first one's shoulders. He holds his arms together, holding up one of Kakashi's ninken – Pakkun, and the dog is giving him a stern look – and is smiling, the area around his right eye scarred. Burned?

They aren't threat, than. Pakkun would have bitten them, if they were. Also, they are about the same age as him, but genin.

But don't genin usually come in _three_? As soon as the thought runs trough his mind, he feels warm fingers touch the back of his neck and he knows no more.

**brats**

"He is _way_ too light that guy." Kotetsu rolls his eyes as Izumo and Iruka pulls him onto the rooftop. He is carrying the jounin, so he can't quite use his hands. The pug is comfortably sitting on Iruka's head right now, and if those other two had to guess, they would say he is smirking, looking positively _smug_.

"Well, we can feed him when he wakes up." Iruka offers a shrug, leading the shortest – and least public – rout to his family house. Actually, that is probably the first time his two teammates would come visit him the _ninja_ way. Meaning: from the rooftops and trough the window.

"You sure you have something _not-stale_ at home?" Kotetsu sniggers and jumps from one to the next, Izumo having to stabilize him when he lands, because his balance point is a bit off and he can't help himself without the possibility of using his arms.

"Well, you can take look." Iruka turns around to grin at them.

"Hey, pup, stop moving your head so much!" Pakkun has to claw his paws into Iruka's head not to fall down once again, when the genin nods in affirmative.

"Or we could later go out and buy something, since Hatake-senpai will probably sleep quite long." Izumo adds with a smile, that doesn't touch the right side of his face.

"Ramen?" Iruka asks gleefully, taking a turn around a tower, that will lead them to one of the least safe parts of Konoha. Though with Iruka it _is_ quite safe, since he grew up there.

Kotetsu barks out a laugh and Izumo scoffs. "He needs to eat something at least a _bit_ healthy. Fruits, preferably, since he could use the vitamins and sugar." he explains patiently. Not many people can survive on Iruka/Kotetsu's diet of ramen, ramen or instant soup all the time. Though Izumo – is forced to – tries.

"Home, sweet home!" Iruka announces and jumps from the rooftop to land on his windowsill. It's difficult, because it's quite narrow, but he doesn't have any tree in front of this window, and he doesn't want to enter the rest of his house. Not yet.

"Is it safe to enter, Ru?" Kotetsu crouches down, waiting.

Iruka nods, dispelling the traps all around his living room. "Yup. First hand me the guy." he instructs, crawling to half-hang from the window. He isn't afraid of falling down – he has chakra-threads all around his form, so he would just catch himself again, if he did.

Kotetsu leans over the edge, slowly and carefully lowering the jounin. Iruka gets him safely, swinging back into the room. The others are quick to enter as well, Iruka just placing the jounin onto his sofa.

"We will just take care of one more thing." the three exchange mischievous looks. "You will want to stay here, right, Pakkun-senpai?" Iruka grins at the pug, moving him quickly from the floor onto the couch next to Kakashi, before Pakkun has the time to protest.

"Oi, boy. I can jump myself. I can even tree-walk." Pakkun complains, but makes himself comfortable next to his human. "The pup will probably sleep for few more hours, so take your time." he calls after them, as the trio disappears trough the window, Iruka raising his traps once again.

**Sensei**

Oh damnit. They did something again. And for god's sake he hopes it's nothing dangerous. Too bad that 'hope' is the most he can do.

The interrogation specialist sighs and stands up from his chair, deciding to go and pay his brats a visit.

**victim**

Kakashi doesn't wake up. He jerks awake, alert and tensed like a bow, prepared to defend and kill. He wants to reach for his weapons but knows he doesn't have those. It's not his apartment.

The young jounin keeps his eyes closed as not to alert anyone to his awake state and stretches his senses to gather some information.

It's not his apartment. It's foreign and he can feel the warm buzzing of chakra that is running trough the flat. Traps? Did someone kidnap him to leave him prisoner in a middle of trapped space? But that's not what he remembers, no. He remembers the three gennin and his nindog.

"_Pakkun_?" Kakashi calls silently, but he stays unmoving still. He can hear the noise he didn't know he heard to stop and then there are hurried steps – that are not his dog's, no – come towards him. He wants to call out for them to be careful, for them not to trigger any of the traps, but he doesn't have the time. The faint presence is already close to him, warm and soothing, which means it's not an enemy, right?

"Kakashi-senpai?" he can hear a hesitant voice, young and warm. He knows that person:

"Umino Iruka," Kakashi states calmly.

"Yop, that's me." the ever-cheerful voice says and Kakashi can't help but smile a bit. "We are sorry we.. kidnapped you, Kakashi-senpai."

"Why did you anyway?" he wants to know and even forces his protesting muscles to move as he sits up, blinking his eyes open. The light is not very bright but it's a bit too much for his tired eyes anyway and he groans, eyes pressed close again.

"We were.. bored." the gennin, Umino Iruka, says hesitantly and reaches to press at Kakashi's chest to get him to lay down again. "Pakkun should be back soon, we sent him to get some fresh air. He had been here with you for _hours_." Ah, so the boy heard him call for his pet. That is surprising, but not more than what he said.

"_We_?" Kakashi asks and lets himself be pressed down, giving a sigh at his hurting limbs.

"Me, Zu- Kamizuki Izumo and Hagane Kotetsu." Iruka shares the information quite willingly, and it's not even that surprising. Kakashi heard that those three were hell sends and always together. Well, he knows that is not completely true.

"Does your.. sensei knows about this?" he grins a bit, already knowing the answer is a 'no'. But he is quite curious about how will the gennin explain.

"Ibi-sama? Nah." Iruka chuckles and moves to sit on the floor, back leaned against the couch. Kakashi can't see him, but he can _feel_ the warmth radiating from the kid, even though they aren't touching. "He doesn't know about anything until too late. And then he kills us."

Kakashi chuckles, that sounds about right. Hell-sent. Poor Morino Ibiki, really. He never really liked that man, but taking care of three like Umino must be very time demanding. And a huge deal of stress. "So you kidnapped me, because you were bored." he repeats thoughtfully. That doesn't sound like the truth at all, but who is he to complain. "So since I am technically your prisoner, you are supposed to feed me and ask me questions?"

"I am sure you won't like our questions." Kakashi catches a different voice from where he thinks is the doorway. "But if you sit up, you can have tea for now. Zumo is trying to cook pancakes." so the speaker is obviously Hagane, Kakashi notes. It's nice that he can link names with voices.

Kakashi nods hesitantly and tries to sit up. He is grateful when he feels warm hands on his back and shoulder, helping him up, but he doesn't say so. It's a very long time since he said 'thank you' for the last time. He is leaned against the back of the couch and listens to soft murmur of those three, surprised that he can't catch a word even though Umino is next to him.

"I will blind the windows, so you can open your eyes, all right?" Kakashi catches Iruka speak up and then his presence shifts, soft footsteps echoing trough the room. It must be Umino's flat. Or house? Because his steps are sure and Kakashi feels his chakra dance trough the traps. His flat; his traps. Obvious.

"Why do you have so many traps here..?" the jounin asks, titling his head sideways.

"Nothing gets past you, oh jounin-sama, does it." it's not Iruka who is speaking but Hagane, his voice is joking, almost unfriendly. Kakashi stays silent, not really knowing what to think about that boy. He instead waits to see if Iruka will answer.

"It's.. hobby. I like traps." Iruka's voice flows to him. "And it's safer that way." the boy adds, it's almost too silent to hear trough the sound of his chakra vibrating, stretching and falling over the glass.

"Why safer?" Kakashi asks curiously. He tryingly opens his eyes, the room drowned in darkness. There are only few light rays remaining, but enough for him to take a look around. There is the couch he is sitting on. And a table, few pillows scattered here and there, probably being used instead of chairs. The other furniture is pushed towards the wall, clean and looking more like a part of some scenery.

"I keep a child here sometimes. When his own flat is.. not habitable." he is shaken from his musings by Iruka's voice. "The people are not very fond of him."

Kakashi flicks his eyes at the boy and than at the other. They seem to have some kind of silent communication, eyes locked together, before Hagane nods.

"Tea." the boy – who looks weirdly like a hedgehog with his hair – says and steps towards the couch, handing over a steaming cup of tea. It smells brilliant of some herbs and Kakashi hopes it's _sweet_.

"Thank you." he surprises himself by saying and smiles as Hagane moves to sit on one of the pillows. The boy doesn't look away from him and it's making Kakashi a bit twitchy, so he averts his eyes at Iruka who is still standing next to one of the windows. "A child. What is so special about a child?"

"He is very special child, Kakashi-senpai." Iruka smiles and it's visible even in the dim light. Kakashi nods in acknowledgment.

"Why is it so empty here?" the jounin continues on with his questioning, eyes once again darting around the room.

"That's a bit personal, don't you think?" Iruka shoots back and Kakashi can feel himself flush a bit; of course it is. He buries his head into the mug and sips the liquid, feeling more relaxed than he did in a long time.

**brats**

Iruka sighs and leaves the room for a moment, going to check on Izumo. It's not very wise to leave the boy alone in the kitchen; Izumo is afraid of fire ever since that accident.

"Everything fine?" he asks with a smile and watches the youngest of the trio dance around the kitchen. It looks that Izumo really _does_ know how to cook. That's curious.

"Of course." Izumo turns around and smiles, the grin making his skin wrikle. Iruka catches a peak of the burn under the boy's hair and his smile turns a bit forced.

"Anything you want me to help you with?" the older asks, leaning against the kitchen counter to watch Izumo's skillful hands move the pan, flipping the pancake over in what seemed to be an effortless motion.

"Not really, no. I am almost done." Izumo shakes his head, "You go and make sure Ko doesn't scare our.. guest."

"I am not sure it's not too late for that already." he chuckles but obeys, moving back into the living room.

It's good as well; the copy-nin is looking much better now, the dark circles having disappeared from under his eyes. "Feeling better now?" Iruka asks with a grin and moves to sit with his back to the couch again.

"Very. Thank you." Kakashi murmurs silently, his voice almost a whisper and Iruka leans his head back to give him a smile.

"That's good. Zumo says the pancakes are almost done, so after you eat and sleep a bit more, I think we might consider letting you go." he grins.

"How nice of you." the jounin says with just the tiniest bit of sarcasm and Iruka can't help but chuckle, soon joined by Kotetsu and Kakashi himself.

**sensei**

Ibiki doesn't bother with knocking. He knows Iruka's traps like the back of his palms and while his sometimes doesn't know how to dispatch them, he knows that the boy will know about him being there long before he actually opens the door.

And he would really like to know what have his broths done this time.

The question is answered as soon as he steps trough the door and finds his usual path into Iruka's livingroom, because instead of his _three_ hellions plotting, there is the three of his hellions and fourth person, chatting animatedly and eating pancakes.

While that wouldn't be so bad, the fact that it's _Hatake_ freaking_ Kakashi_ who is sitting on the couch makes it much, much worse.

"Brats." the interrogating specialist states silently, forcing his voice to remain calm even though he wants to yell at them. Just as always, isn't it? But he likes them. Which is quite weird in itself and it makes him do the weirdest things.

For example when all three of his boys turns to look at him with smiles and innocent looks, he can't help but smile a bit as well.

"Ibi-sama. How nice of you to join us." it is, surprisingly, Kotetsu who says that. Probably because Iruka is too busy staring at their pet-jounin. Ibiki is not surprised; Kakashi, the famous copy-nin who is afraid of nothing, is trying very hard not to look at him. Or is there a crush developing? Ibiki can't help the snicker from escaping his mouth, knowing he will tease his gennin mercilessly about that.

"There are still some pancakes left, if you want." Izumo pipes up, making Ibiki move his eyes at the tiny shinobi.

"No thank you. Now, care to explain what is Hatake doing in here? He should have been on a mission already." Ibiki tries to scowl at them, he really does, but even he can see that the young jounin looks better than he has in weeks.

"We kidnapped him." Iruka grins cheekily when he turns to face his sensei. And oh god, Ibiki wants to hit his head against the wall right now, because since when it was completely _normal_ to kidnap your superiors?

"I see.." he muttered instead. "Sarutobi-sama has been looking for him, claiming Hatake has collapsed somewhere and is in grave danger." the man snorts, eyes stopping on the very much all right jounin. "As if."

"I will go inform the Hokage, sensei." Izumo stands up with a smile, edging towards the window.

"Yeah, actually, I should probably go with him so that he won't get lost." Iruka pipes up and jogs to catch up with the small teen, making few hand signs to open the window without letting the sun get in and hurt Kakashi's eyes.

Kotetsu stands up as well, nodding his head in agreement. "Someone needs to make sure they won't get in any problem on the way." he informs their sensei, and Ibiki is sure all three of those hellions are hiding a grin.

"No." he calls after him irritated, "Stay where you are you little-" he sighs in resignation when he notices that they have all already disappeared, leaving him in the room alone with perplexed looking Kakashi.

The copy-nin holds his gaze, looking just as confused as Ibiki feels. "Let's just hope they will stop by Hokage-sama to tell him you are up and about." the interrogation specialist sighs and collapses onto the couch, stealing a pancake from Iruka's plate.

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**Hope you enjoyed reading just as much as I enjoyed writing it :) **

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